Keep The Customer Satisfied.


There’s a woman who works in my local Caffè Nero who openly forces me to make positive comments about her on their online survey, every time I go in-store.

It’s got to the point where I dread going in, for fear that she might be accost me. She does it in a friendly way, if such a thing is possible, but is no less insistent – and to make things worse, any time I visit after saying something nice (as promised), she tells me I didn’t bother to fill it in.

Surely there's something wrong with this arrangement? Aren't I supposed to give feedback voluntarily? I also thought the survey was meant to be anonymous; while it presumably technically is, what I say isn’t, as if I put anything either way, be it good or bad, she’ll clearly know it’s me. I’m damned if I do, and damned if I don’t, and if I do do it, I’m still damned, as I’m told I didn’t do it when I did. My life’s as confusing as it is stressful, and the caffeine intake isn’t helping either.

It’s quarter past ten on a Friday night as I write, and rather than relaxing, or considering an early night, I’m looking at my latest Caffè Nero 'We Would Love To Have Your Feedback' card and feeling tense. This shouldn’t invade my consciousness as much as it does. I only wanted a black Americano, not a guilt trip. I wouldn’t mind if I won the iPad they use to entice you in.

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