Dog It.


This afternoon I mistook a small child for a dog. I need to get some sleep.

It happened the one time I ventured out, to buy cheese. It was an important – and successful – mission. I got two blocks for £3. That’s £1.50 each, if you struggle with mathematics.

If anything, I’d have expected this temporary hallucination to be brought on by a cheese coma, than as a result of me purchasing it. As I crossed the road I spotted a black Labrador skipping alongside its owner. When my eyes settled on it properly, I watched it morph into a toddler. It was a frightening moment. Thank God I didn’t pet it.

(No pun intended.)

My sleep last night was minimal. I didn’t get to bed until about 2am, and woke up at 5am. Today, I’m exhausted. I need to sit somewhere quietly and recharge my batteries. I’m seeing dogs in place of people, which can’t be a good. I can’t trust my senses. Is the cat that’s sat on my lap as I write this really a cat? If it isn’t, what is it? I knew I shouldn’t have dropped that acid. Nothing is real, man. Nothing is real.

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