Off the Market.
Today is more notable than most in my life: today I got married. Everything about my wedding was just as I wanted. It was understated, but right.
I could go into detail about my day now, but i won't; it's too late for that. Instead, I'll share my speech. Those who know me should imagine it spoken with my voice. Those who don't can substitute it with Morgan Freeman's.
Enjoy.
Ladies and Gentleman, if I could have your attention please: I just want to say a few words. I promise to keep it brief (though Glyn will be doing half an hour of stand-up in a bit, so you can look forward to that). Firstly, I wanted to thank you all for joining us today, on a day that’s very important to me (very, very special): the day that Gemma became my first wife.
I’m delighted that Gemma agreed to be my first wife – and I very much hope that she’ll be my last. If not, it’s an expensive way to find out.
It’s lovely to be able to spend today surrounded by our close friends and family. It’s also nice to get married in such illustrious company: we have a cast member of Inspector Morse, an Olivier-Nominated actor, an artist who painted the cover of a Top Twenty album – and Glyn. Thanks for coming. Keep it up.
Gemma is one of the few people in my life that I met almost completely by fluke. It very easily could not have happened.
The first time I saw her I was in what is possibly the UK’s least romantic town: Harlow in Essex. A town that was forged in the selfsame mould as Stevenage. I was playing a gig with my band at The Square, supporting The Supernaturals. I was stood at the side of the stage when they came on, when I spotted her amongst the audience. Everyone else in the room’s attention was firmly on the band, but all I could see was her. She was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. It was love at first sight.
The evening ended without me plucking up the courage to speak to her. For weeks afterwards, I regretted it. There was nothing I could do. I just had to face the fact that I would never see her again. I even wrote a song about this mystery girl that I’d never met. It was a restraining order waiting to happen.
A year later we happened to play the same venue supporting the same band when I saw her again, standing in the exact same place. I couldn’t let the opportunity pass me by. I gave a copy of my band’s CD with my phone number on it to one of her friends – I was a self-promoter even then – and asked them to pass it on.
Three years later we had our first date (I’m a very slow worker). We spent the evening together in a pub in Islington – and despite having never actually met in person before, we clicked instantly. The evening just flew by. I didn’t know it but I’d met my soul mate.
We’ve been together now for nine years (as I said I’m a very, very slow worker). We went back to the same pub earlier this year, when I asked her to marry me. It felt like the right place to do it, to bookend our time together so far. I’ve never beenhappier than when she said yes (other than today, of course).
Gemma is my closest friend, my biggest supporter,my favourite person to be with - and now she’s my wife. She makes my world a better place. I love her with all my heart. I’m thankful that I spotted her across that crowded room. I don’t know what I would have done it I hadn’t.
Thank God I wasn’t playing Stevenage.
