Roll With It.


I just walked through town carrying a twelve-pack of loo roll. What about it?

We all need to use the toilet once in a while (some of us more than others). It’s a fact of life. There’s no need to be ashamed about it. It links every man, woman, child and beast since the dawn of time, or soon after the first mealtime at the very least.

No-one in history was exempt from this excretive need. All the major players, from Hitler to Gandhi to Robert Kilroy-Silk have visited the little boys’ room once in a while. It’s just a shame that two of them ever came out of it. Not Gandhi, though. We like Gandhi.

While this should have reassured me as I paraded through my hometown with a bagful of bum paper, it didn’t. The fact I was walking quickly didn’t help. I looked like a man with a plan and a purpose: to use up my new purchase in one sitting.

It wouldn’t have been as bad if I’d also bought something else. Then I wouldn’t have felt so conspicuous. In future, I'll get my bog roll delivered.

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