Rising Damp.


I’m a little bit obsessed with using my Window Vac.

In the winter my windows collect condensation. It’s frustrating and unsightly. I live on the ground floor and have a housebound cat, so it can be difficult to leave them open for an extended period. After a while it starts to feel like I’m living in a hermetically sealed environment.

It’s particularly bad after I’ve done my washing. The combination of damp clothing and warm, sealed windows leads to the creation of my own, self-sufficient weather system, with the wettest conditions to be found on the inside of the glass.

(This is gripping stuff.)

The best way to combat this is with a Window Vac, which does exactly as its name suggests. The only problem is that once you start, you never stop; you find yourself trapped in a never-ending cycle, akin to the painting of the Forth Bridge.

Before long it starts to take you over. You become addicted, counting down the minutes to your next window-cleaning fix. You start to willfully create the optimum conditions; leaving the hot tap running for hours whilst you do an intensive workout on the spot.

Thankfully, I haven’t quite reached that point. That said, I do spend more time thinking about it than I should. When I walked into town this morning, for example, I noticed a couple of shop windows that had completely misted up.

“I’d love to get at that with the Window Vac”, I thought, without a hint of irony.

It’s when you start fantasizing about removing damp from other people’s windows that you know you’ve got a problem.

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