Starboard Man.


Yesterday, I visited my mum for Christmas - and while I was there, I spotted something that drove my OCD through the roof. 

I noticed it when I popped upstairs to use her bathroom (I won't share too many details). Whilst using the facilities, I looked down to see an ornament sitting next to the toilet with 'STARBOARD' written on it. 

My problem was the ornament was situated on the port-side of the room.

(I know: I'm pathetic.) 

If I'm honest, I wasn't certain - but being the sort of person I am, I looked it up (thank God for Wikipedia). I was right: 'port' is left and 'starboard' is right; meanwhile, my mum's objet d'art was sitting in the port position, burning a hole into my retina. 

I don't know why it bothered me so much. It must be the seaman in me (...steady). My grandfather was in the navy; if he'd ever used my mum's bathroom, he never would have stood for it (unless he was going for a wee).
 
I could move the ornament; that would be rude. I just had to accept it was in the wrong place and concentrate on the job in hand (horrific mental image).

I probably needn't have worried: technically, port and starboard are determined by whether you are facing the bow of the boat or not; if the toilet was the vessel and I was sitting on it, the ornament would have been to my right, in the correct position. 

When it comes to judging the naval bearings of my mother's bathroom, it's all a matter of perspective. 

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